Sherlock Holmes (Ruler) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
improbablenotimpossible) wrote2030-05-17 10:54 pm
improbablenotimpossible) wrote2030-05-17 10:54 pm
IC Inbox for ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
daybreakacademy
UN: ThreeCoffins
STATUS: Graduate Student
ACCOLADES: Masters in Pharmacology, Bachelors of Biology, etc. etc.
BIO: Yes I am Vampire. No I won't drink your blood, but I will assist in tutoring people in science-based disciplines.
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...He doesn't. He doesn't, because Sherlock is letting him see this, the gripping at where he most likely shot up his solution into his veins.
But more important, is -]
....Yes. I understand that it must have been a harrowing feeling through the link.
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Then slowly, he shook his head]
I didn't feel anything through the link, beyond the calm of a trance.
[Then slowly, he makes the motions of exhaling]
...It's the sight of that monster using you as a puppet is what made it sickening.
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He practically makes a short, choked sound - not one of derision, but something closer to pain.]
I - Truly? You...felt like that? Even though I'm...
['James Moriarty?']
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Yes - I wasn't sure why or when I started feeling this is more than just a truce - perhaps seeing you in the class with the children, horsing around with the other faculty... you weren't the man I had known back then.
[There's almost a sheepish tone to his voice]
There were a great many things I did not know. And many more I... I'm trying to understand.
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Yes, I...believe I understand. You had only ever seen a single side of me - a man who attempted to chase off someone from the small, pitiful happiness he'd managed to snatch from life.
[There's a hint of sarcasm in there, but it's not directed at Sherlock - no, it's at himself, as it always is.]
...In truth, I would have been happy being a professor back then, too - if it were not for the censure of my book, and the disdain of my fellow professors...we would have most likely died when we were supposed to.
[He laughs, quietly.]
....Then again, most never could tolerate that a young man - barely out of college age himself - from Yorkshire of all places could show them up or easily comprehend things they thought were out of the grasp of 'country folk.'
...No. Eventually, there would have been some sort of scandal - something to force me into early retirement to save face.
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[He had looked, there was a reason but it was lower on his priority than finding Moriarty's then-current operations, and academia has always been so damned frustratingly secretive... one of the reasons he never had an interest in staying on]
Fragile egos, not wanting to show up how little they actually knew, especially when it's from someone they had written off - ...and after what happened... you turned to crime... out of desperation?
[his voice lilts, questioning - seeing if he understood James right]
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That alone meant more than he could say. Still...
He shakes his head, giving a dull laugh.]
...Nothing so potentially forgivable as that. I did have issues with finding employment in teaching - though I was retired, most of those that would hire me would make inquiries of the college, and learn of the censure...and, of course, once I was identified as a man who had such ideas they had to be quelled....well. I would politely be told my services were no longer needed.
[He takes in a breath, smiling sadly.]
Yet, I could have gone home. My family wouldn't have minded, honestly - and no one in the area I grew up in would have cared. I could have easily become a teacher there, or a shopkeep in a small village.
...But, I didn't. My pride wouldn't allow me to return home, disgraced in all but name - all the more painful than if I had just been told to get out without any subterfuge. And in the end...
...The thing that brought me to the path of crime was not desperation, but a decision to go into a seedy-looking pub during a particularly melancholic mood, and by listening into the conversation of a certain group of men and having the courage to point out the errors in their plans.
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There was desperation, not for financial well-being, but acceptance, but to do what comes naturally to him - and society turned their back on James Moriarty thanks to academic jealousy.
Though he shook his head, with faint amusement]
Somehow - that seems like such a 'you' way of ending up in crime.
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[Let's ignore he was drinking at the same shady pub in the space of a few days, whoops.]
From there...well. I dove into crime, and managed to distract myself with fun, happily placing my wits and mettle against other men much more willing to kill than I at the time. Before I knew it, I had become a grand leader, a man who other men served with loyalty and a little fear.
Until, of course, everything came crashing down around me once more.
[There's another pause, before he suddenly begins to recite something.]
'On the strength of it, he won the mathematical chair at one of our smaller universities, and had, to all appearances, a most brilliant career before him. But the man had hereditary tendencies of the most diabolical kind. A criminal strain ran in his blood, which, instead of being modified, was increased and rendered infinitely more dangerous by his extraordinary mental powers.'
...Though I read it much later, once my mind had recovered - well. I laughed, because it was as if you opened the book that was my own mind and read everything I'd ever thought on myself.
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It did match up with what he had known, the crime rate went up overall but murder had gone down. Though Moriarty still had Moran...
His eyes widen slightly, as James parroted his words back at him, feeling the internal cringe before what he said next snapped him out of it, sending a jolt of shock through him.
Is that why? Is that why he was so certain of the Napoleon of Crime's evil? In sharp relief to the man he had come to know - that he thought that because he had picked up on the other man's despair and self-loathing]
It seems we might have been both wrong.
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...Perhaps.
[Not willing to admit it? maybe. Or just that....for so long, he's only ever thought of himself as someone who willingly threw away a chance at a happier life out of fear of rejection.
...It's clear, now, why he reached out so intensely to Flat, and refused to let go far past when he should have.]
May I....tell you something?
[Though it's hesitant, he doesn't wait for an answer - quickly speaking the next bit.]
Even now....Yes. Even now, I am forever waiting for the other shoe to drop, as it were. When will I be hated, and cast out? After all, as I have learned so acutely...happiness is a fleeting thing, as much as I attempt to hold onto it.
[He wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand, gritting his teeth.]
And though I should...just accept it, as I have always done....I....I....
[The next words are small, barely more than a whisper.]
...I don't want... to lose anything anymore....
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That had been the other man's life, hasn't it? Misfortune and malice coming to rob him of what happiness he could get.
And in a way... he can understand the feeling - as a vampire, he is a fleeting presence, moving constantly avoiding getting close to others, and the few times he let his guard down, it didn't end well. It was only at Daybreak things change...
And he can't even imagine how much worse it would've been for Moriarty all this time, and now finding a reason to live - not just existing.
As the other man's voice drops - and the tears... he didn't know why, but his hand slowly reached out, tentatively, uncertain if it'd be welcomed, to touch his shoulder]
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Ha - I-I'm sorry, I've only...been talking about myself this whole time...I know these years m-must have weighed on you as well....
[It's an out - an attempt to run, for even in this vulnerable state he's violating everything he's ever been told or told himself through the years.
Keep it up, don't let anyone know, just forget those issues, you have to be strong enough to handle them yourself.]
Listening to me prattle on like this....I'm sorry, it must be boring, if not infuriating.
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Don't apologize.
[The words came out much firmer than he planned, pausing before closing his eyes, continuing to push through. Part of him feels like he's doing something wrong, pushing through even when given the signal of their time that they're on the dangerous ground called vulnerability.]
I - had my share, of things... but, you needed someone to hear this, that's why we're talking. There is nothing infuriating about it.
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He'd never allowed anyone to hear this, fully - Jolyne had gotten the careful version of events, the gentler recounting that didn't have his emotions wrapped up in it - but being told by someone who had also grown up in the same time period that it was okay to talk about it, to not have to apologize for the gross breach of misconduct....
It's enough to break that final straw, and he...just lets go, breaking down into great heaving sobs as he can't stop himself from finally just crying about everything that's happened.
Even though he's physically fighting against it - gritted teeth, firmly pressing his hands over his eyes - it's like trying to stop an open dam with just yourself.
He can't stop this anymore, even if he tried.]
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No - he told himself, that has to stop. They had to stop it, or less nothing will ever change. Another hand reaches out, more firmly - though he can't quite get rid of the uncertain tremble, reaching to hold the man steady.
Damn it - he could feel his own eyes starting to burn... not now.]
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He gives a loud cry and pitches forward, heedless if he ends up on the floor of the infirmary - to rest his knees on the floor and wrap his arms around Sherlock, burying his head into the other man's shoulder and sobbing like a child.
...Because, well...he was a child when he was allowed to cry like this, clinging to someone so tightly as if he never wanted to let go.]
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If they were both mortals, he had no doubt he would've ended up on his back, it was only by his vampiric nature he's still upright. And damned that nature, he could feel himself wanting to well up, between the feedback of James' outpouring of emotions and his own, as he bit his lip hard to hold back.
It... really shouldn't matter, not now - but there's still something holding him back, as his arms lightly looped over the man's back]
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And...no. No, if they're going to do this, then....everything should come out. No trying to be strong, not in this moment.]
S-Sherlock....stop. D-don't...it's al-alright, to....finally let it out....
[Of course, that's all he can get out before the wave hits again, and he goes back to pressing his face back where he had it before, shoulders shaking with the effort of getting out over a century of tears.]
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God damn... he swallows the lump that formed in his throat, continuing to sniffle as the tears, once started starts flowing easily]
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This is what they've both needed for a long, long time - and something they never let themselves do.
Just let it all out, with no fear, no internal sense of shame. Only the emotions, and the knowledge that despite everything...
...despite the past, and all the pain, they both had someone who would never give up on them, or judge them now.
When the tide of emotion finally subsides, moriarty raises his head, eyes limmed with red and doing the snotty sniffles that only come with true, hard sobbing.]
...Ah. It's - odd to say, but...
[He gives a weak smile, letting himself move enough so he's able to place his hands on Sherlock's shoulders, looking into the other man's eyes.]
...despite it all....I find myself actually happy that you were the one who turned out to be my long-lost sibling.
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He slowly opens his eyes, lashes reddened by blood as the other man lifts his head, the long snotty sniffles - his now fully green eyes watching, then widening]
James...
[He couldn't even say anything to it, while he had been mostly sniffling and weeping up to this point - he let out a loud, ugly sob at the declaration]
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...The one thing that I was given, in my life...was a deep appreciation for family, regardless of where it comes from.
I truly...mean it, Sherlock. You are the only man who could ever match me, and...well. Though it's been...an odd, long journey...through it all, we still found each other again.
...And perhaps, now....we can be something other than enemies, than detective and criminal.
[He pauses, tears slipping down his own face again as he reflexively tightens his hold on his twin.]
...Perhaps....we can finally just be ourselves.
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Family... the word didn't have the same meaning since he ran that test, of how things were hidden from him and unsure of what from them he could even trust anymore. Somehow... James' word, he can believe this.
They did find each other, all this time, just missing each other and then now]
Ourselves...
[He repeats, to step out of the box they put themsleves]
We'll see what sort of people we are-
[He stiffens as a sound that sounds suspiciously like a hiccough forced itself out, no doubt induced by the cry fest]