[Literally bolting awake was a cliche, a thing that hack writers used to show how a bad nightmare was - so Ruler had thought before now, but yet - he did find himself sitting straight up in bed, his hands clutched over his face.

He didn't recognize the sounds coming out of his throat, pitched and catching on each breath, like a wounded animal. Even as pained as it was to force those noises out, he could not ignore the fact his eyes burned, tears flowing like rivets, splashing against his gloves, his shirt and wondering if like Alice he was in danger of drowning in his own tears.

Ruler's shoulders hunched up, as soon his hands clutched over the painful knot where his heart is. This... this wasn't his memory, this didn't belong to him but it felt as if it was something he went through - like it was somehow his life]